Well, Yellow There.

Long time no post, huh? I apologize for neglecting this blog, although I highly doubt those who follow it were just weeping into their Green Monsters in my absence. I say this in jest, but in all honesty I really have missed both the catharsis of posting and connectedness I felt with fellow bloggers while active in the community. Sooo yeppers, I'm back and ready for action! A lot has gone down since I last posted and I plan to try and process it on here in the near future... Get excited. ;)

While contemplating this post in my mind I couldn't help thinking about one scenario I see played out time and time again: a blogger returns after some lag in posting and calls themselves a "bad blogger" or "deserving of the world's worst blogger award." Even though I know the individuals usually say it in jest, there's something about reading those words which doesn't sit well with me. It gives me a mental image of someone smacking themselves in the face before anyone else might. Oh, I'm so bad! I'll hit myself with this umbrella! And a chair too!!

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Honestly, I don't think I've ever thought someone was a "bad blogger." Inconsistent maybe, but never bad. There are blogs which I wish were updated more frequently, but only because I enjoy them so much. And it's not like I'm mad at the authors! It saddens me how eager bloggers seem to berate themselves. I mean, how often do you read a post in which the author talks about the reasons why their blog rocks? And I know the thought definitely crossed my mind that if a blogger judged him/herself as bad for being absent for two weeks, then what did that make me? I want to think of myself as a badass blogger, not a bad one.

.... Please excuse me as I trip while dismounting from my high horse.

In other breaking news, I have a cold.

Thankfully I don't get sick very often. However, as a result I'm absolutely clueless when it comes to illnesses. No joke, for longest time I thought the B.R.A.T diet stood for bread/rice/applesauce/toast and wondered why whatever person who created the acronym felt a need to specify between bread and toast. So, keeping my lack of savviness when it comes to these things in mind, it comes as no surprise that I've been a hot mess the past few days. Take yesterday, for example. I was at school from 8am to 9 pm and felt progressively worse as the day passed. The inner monologue in my head throughout was: Oh man, I feel like crap. I wonder if I have a fever. (does weird physical inventory with my brain) Hmm... Shaky with chills. Could this be a fever? I don't want to go up to some stranger and ask them to feel my forehead. An hour later: (Looks in mirror) Ah shit. I so have a fever.

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Super exciting, I know. Today I've just been trying to get better or at least keep from getting sicker by taking it easy and drinking tea with the vigor of a vampire in a phlebotomy lab. I'm in that awful stage where you can't remember what it's like to not have a burning ninja sword in your throat, can't imagine a time ever arriving when you will be able to inhale through your nose again. I wonder what it would be like if I was sick with a cold for years, how it would feel if one day I woke up and it was gone. No more Darth Vader breathing or phlemn hacking. I'd be happy and relieved... Right? Or would I think, "Yeah, that pressure on the back of my throat made it hard to breathe and was miserable, but I'd gotten used to it." Maybe the uncomfortable would have grown comfortable. Maybe "better" wouldn't feel right.

As you may have inferred, I'm not just talking about the common cold here. Even though anorexia is definitely both physically and psychologically uncomfortable, after a while it became the norm and I welcomed the discomfort, feared anything else. It's weird how in my recovery freedom is both the end result which I long for and am terrified of. It's hard to fight for something while ambivalent about it and afraid of what it will look/be like, when the fight feels so wrong. I'm definitely not a fan of the unknown or things feeling out of my control. That being said, this is definitely a case of me majorly future tripping. Unfortunately at this point I'm just stuck at home with a cold, in both the literal and figurative sense.

Questions (if anyone is in fact reading this!):

1. What's your favorite song with "bad" in the title? The first thing which comes to mind is "Bad Things" by Jace Everett.

2. Are you watching the Oscars this weekend? I doubt it, because I have work until nine and then I bet traffic is gonna be crazy with all those limos. When there's any sort of award show (or rain) it's seriously like Los Angeles shuts down.

3. In what ways are you a badass blogger?