Awesomeness and a Vlog (!!!)

Have you ever tried to remember a song but you just couldn't put your finger on what exactly it was? I had this song in my mind that I knew I liked and listened to a lot during the summer two years ago, but couldn't for the life of me recall how it went. I literally was going crazy for a good six months trying to remember it. On a weekly basis my sister and I would have a conversation that was some variation of the one below:

Sister: So.... (laughing at my suffering) have you remembered the song yet?

Me: URRRGGGHHHH!! Thanks for reminding me in the one moment I wasn't thinking about it and at peace.

Sister: Do you remember anything about it? Like the tune or something?

Me: It's by an indie rock-ish alternative-ish band, and they're singing about love but combining it with really gruesome imagery, like describing love really violently.

Sister: All love is violent. <----- Child of divorced parents much? haha

Me: I know, but they had lyrics like "You kill me sweetly," or something like that.

Anyways, I finally resigned myself to the fact that I was never going to find the song. Just letting it go was less frustrating than constantly wracking my brain, even though I really didn't want to give up.... And then I heard it. 

Major eureka moment. Not even kidding, I almost started to cry and smiled a ridiculous grin so big you'd think I had discovered the cure for some deadly disease. Now I have the song on my ipod, and every time I hear it I still get sort of emotional, just because of all the mental anguish (not exaggerating) that went into finding it.

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It's official. I want to be Tina Fey when I grow up. 

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Although I'd be more than willing to settle for being Chelsea Handler. They are both the definition of awesome. It's interesting that while these two women are my favorite celebrities, neither is famous for being the "sexiest human alive" or having a super hot body. I like them because they're smart, sharp/witty, uninhibited, talented, and super funny. But what I admire the most is how they seem so secure and confident they seem in themselves. The reasons have nothing to do with body or appearance, so why am I so focused on my own? I really don't know. Maybe because my appearance is concrete, while those other things are much more abstract. I'm afraid of my self worth and identity being tied to non appearance "measurable" things. I think I value the qualities which really matter such as intelligence so much, I'm afraid of trying to be the person I truly want to be and failing. Does that make any sense whatsoever? Who's your favorite celebrity? What do you like about them? Do they have traits or qualities you wish you could emulate?

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Aaaanyways, here's an exciting little something somethin' for your viewing pleasure.... Hope you enjoy!