Beauty, Boots and Breastisis.

Maybe I'm way behind the times, but have you guys heard about the Disney casting sheet specifying that female extras for the fourth Pirates of the Caribbean film must have real breasts? I saw an article in Entertainment Weekly and was amused. Melissa Braun, a senior casting associate, stated in the article "We can't do super-toned bodies. And no plastic surgery of any kind - because usually you can tell, unless it's really, really good plastic surgery." I can only imagine what tests they'll do to check if the women have implants... A jumping in place challenge? Getting felt up by implant detectors? Lie tests like in "Meet the Parents?" Regardless, one person comes to mind whose dreams of sailing the seven seas with Johnny Depp have now officially been squashed. Not to point any fingers but... 

Point.

I wonder if she had all those procedures for publicity or if it really did come from a place of self consciousness and insecurity. Either way, talk about sad and disturbing.

While we're on the subject of pirates, the lovely Eleanor - my fellow appreciator of swashbucklers and all things Johnny Depp - gave me this fabulous award. So without further ado....

1) What physical features do you love about yourself?

I remember while IP hearing a therapist say "The greatest gift you can give yourself is falling in love with your own mind." I thought to myself: Are you CRAZY!?! My mind wants me DEAD! If it wasn't for my mind I wouldn't even BE HERE! And it's true, my brain is a big factor is the pain and fear that I've felt, but without it I'd be screwed. My hands allow me to create, type blog posts, draw, pet my doggie, twist my fingers into the shapes of various animals, etc. But without my brain they would hang limp at my sides. My eyes allow me to read and see beautiful things, but without my brain they'd sit like useless rocks in their sockets. So while I may not love my mind yet, I'm doing my best to be grateful for and accept it.

2) How do you personally take care of yourself?

It's kind of lame, but I've been wearing sunscreen every day lately. Last summer I was so tan that I resembled a burnt candle, so this year I'm making a point of (trying to) remember and apply it every day. 

I don't know if it counts as taking care of myself, but yesterday I went and had my ears pierced again. Getting needles stuck through your body probably isn't the healthiest thing but it was fun and I got "my rush," plus I feel a bit shinier... So maybe it was emotional self care. Does that count? I say it does! So now I have two earrings in each lobe, plus cartilage and my nose. 

I have to ration myself out though with the piercings though, because otherwise I'd probably end up resembling that guy with the cat print tattoos and whisker implants in his cheeks. Not really of course, but moderation and "grey thinking" have never been my forte so there's a nugget of truth in there. I didn't tell my mom or sister and am waiting to see how long it takes before they notice. Any bets? I'm guessing two weeks or so, but will keep you posted. ;)

3) What are you looking forward to?

I really have no idea. But if I were to just take a couple words representing what I want to experience (preferably sooner rather than later) they'd be:

Happiness. Hope. Peace. Freedom.

4) Who has aided your recovery the most?

I agree with what most people have said, that the only one who can recover is the person sick with the eating disorder. Others have certainly helped, but when a mealtime rolls around I'm the one choosing whether or not to pick up the fork. That being said, I'm so thankful for those who fought for me for years, even though that usually meant fighting against me. Their refusal to "just let me go" strengthened my tentative belief that perhaps they saw something in me that I couldn't see in myself, that maybe I was worth fighting for. I'm also incredibly thankful for the amazing people I've met through treatment, blogging, etc. who make my world a more beautiful place every day simply by being a part of it.

5) What was the very last thing you ate?

Grapesies. That's what the cool kids are calling grapes these days. 

6) What is one material thing you are dying to have right now?

These shoes. 

So pretty, it hurts my soul. Unfortunately I don't have $100ish dollars to drop on shoes, plus there's the whole made from leather part. Gah...

7) If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?

I've always wanted to go to India. I haven't traveled at all though, so I wouldn't be picky about destinations. Africa, France, Europe in general, Morocco... Point to anywhere on the map and I'm game. Epcot in Disney World would be cool though, because then you could "visit" lots of places and different cultures in one day!

 What is/was your biggest fear food, and how will/did you conquer it?

When it came to food I didn't discriminate. What I mean is that while I was engaging in my disorder no food was safe. I was more afraid of some foods than others, but I'd have a breakdown over a floret of steamed broccoli just as readily as one over a sandwich. However, one food which I've been working on is nut butters. You may recall my National Peanut Butter Day post and update regarding my self imposed nut butter challenge. Are jars of peanut butter and I best buddies yet? No, I'm still not comfortable with them but there's time. The challenge continues....

The fear food on the horizon which I really need to challenge myself with is (I feel like such a loser for saying this).... bananas. Those suckers are shaking in their peels, because when I tackle that fear they're going down. And then maybe next I'll conquer bananas WITH nut butter. But let's not go there just yet!

9) What are your dreams for after ED?

I just don't want to be scared all the time.

10) What advice would you give to someone concerning eating disorders?

I think about this all the time, like a ridiculous amount. I really have no idea.

.... Without further ado I pass the award on to Cammy, Katie, Jessica, Kim, Kiki, Jenna, Sara and anyone else who has not been (but wants to be) tagged!