Whistle While You Work.

This post may be extremely boring, but I really want to chronicle my first day for memory's sake. This week I'm training as a crew member and next week will be focused on the art/sign part, because ideally they want me to work both in the creative design team and the general crew department. One day down and it was in.tense.

The next time you are at Trader Joe's, go up to one of the employees and give him/her a giant hug (actually don't, because it would probably freak them out and result in you being kicked out of the store).... because they work hard. Over the course of my eight hour shift (not counting breaks) I was on my feet and super busy the entire time. A weird side effect of needing to constantly remain focused on the task at hand was that I didn't really think about my body or eating disorder the whole time. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I had those thoughts quite a bit but compared to how much I'm usually obsessing over these things (every single second 24/7) it was a lot less. It was very weird to literally have no room in my brain for those thoughts because I was so busy concentrating on learning how to use a dolly two wheeler without wrenching out my back. But between reading hours worth of paperwork, filling out forms, touring the store, getting my locker, bagging at the register, meeting a billion people (none of whose names I remember) and working in the florist department... I just didn't have time to. 

Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

This is clearly a trust fund kitty.

Of course when asked to pick what size I wanted to T-shirts in I said the wrong one and was then shocked/confused when they were too big. While telling me about working at Trader Joe's the manager mentioned that for crew morale and bonding about every other week they have a big BBQ that everyone attends, and that everyone is encouraged to try all of the store's foods. They actually have mandatory taste testings for potential new products.... Cue explosion in my brain. I panicked and was seconds away from trying to back out of taking the job. Fight or flight!!!! While obviously I didn't turn down the job, I'm still MAJORLY scared and FREAKING OUT. It seems that working is going to challenge me in more ways than I expected. 

It was funny, but when I was handed a box cutter I almost blurted out "I can't have that!!" It's been a long time since I was trusted with "sharps" like shoelaces and plastic cutlery, let alone trusted with a giant plastic encased razor blade. But times have changed and now I can have my own personal box cutter, plus a belt clip holder thing for it and snazzy wrist guard (both of which I've already lost.... Whoops.) 

Over the course of the day I noticed that I'm way too 1.) critical and hard on myself and 2.) afraid of making a mistake and worried about what others think of me. For example, right before the end of my shift a crew member came running up to the manager asking if I was "the new sign girl" he'd mentioned yesterday. Turns out that there were no other art department people at work and they needed two signs for the boxes of yellow peaches ASAP. Crisis! 

(source)

Next thing I knew I was alone in the back room with two big blank sheets of paper. I made the signs (complete with a peach cartoon cheerfully exclaiming "I'm sweet and juicy!") but really wasn't satisfied with the final product. I just keep trying to remember that it was my first day and the whole thing was unexpected, I've had no signage training or experience whatsoever and that I was totally unsupervised and without guidance... Isn't helping very much with the critic yammering away in my brain and self judgement though.

There's one thing I really really need to be mindful of though, and I'm hoping writing it here will help me stay accountable. Two other employees are new with me and I need to focus on myself rather than being competitive in my head with them. I'm already catching myself obsessively comparing after only one day and it's stupid, totally coming from my own insecurities .... Focusing and worrying that they are catching on faster and making less mistakes, more well liked by our co-workers, etc. It's totally unproductive. If anything it's counterproductive. 

Hope isn't too insanely boring for you guys. At this moment I'd just rather blog about today than write in my journal, as it doesn't hurt my wrists as much. .... If only hadn't lost that wrist guard! To those of you who responded to my questions in the last post, thanks so much for the lunch/dinner ideas. It turns out there is a microwave and fridge in the back room and I've written all your ideas down on a list for some inspiration. Keep the suggestions coming, because I could definitely use them! 

Yikes is right.

Day one down, eighty bajillion katrillion *knock on wood* to go!

• Any thoughts/experiences/suggestions related to the whole food tasting thing?
  
• How do you deal with your inner critic AKA the "itty bitty shitty committee" in your brain?
  
• Do you ever struggle with comparing? What do you do in order to focus on yourself?
  
• And finally, any cool plans for the weekend? ... I'll be at work. ;)