I'm Honest Abe, Honestly.

If you haven't already read my previous post, skip this part because you can't handle the truth!!! Like George Washington, I chopped down the cherry tree and cannot tell a lie... So here's the honest truth:

a.) Even though I haven't gone to a serious ballet class in years, I still am cursed with the "duck walk," standing with my feet turned out.

FALSE- I totally used to but got sick of my grandma telling me constantly that the way I walked was unladylike and unattractive, so I trained myself to stand normally. Good times.

b.) Rather than going in the cliched limo, my friends and I arranged to rent and arrive at our school prom in a chauffeured Big Blue Bus. Public transportation all the way!

Sadly FALSE- My friends did, but I was IP at the time. And unfortunately no fairy godmother magically appeared to abracadabra my IV's into flashy bling and hospital gown into a party dress. But knowing my school a curfew at the stroke of midnight would have been laughably early anyways. 

Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo!

Let's just say there are some amazing pictures on facebook that I desperately wish I was a part of.

c.) I rocked an eyepatch after falling down a flight of stairs and needing stitches when I was a toddler.

TRUE- Badass pirate from day one, yo.

d.) Speaking of injuries, when I was five I broke my pinky smashing bricks into powder with rocks, AKA trying to play Brick Factory like I read in the Ramona Quimby books.

FALSE- Never broken a bone *searches for something wooden to knock on... Settles for rapping on head* although I've gotten stitches more than enough times to compensate.

e.) When I was a baby my parents had to call the paramedics after I drank a bottle of Palmolive soap. Something about those orange bubbles was so appealing....

FALSE - That was my sister, not me. It was an eventful night. And yet I'M the one who ends up with an eating disorder?!

f.) I love nature and am the only person in my family who has a "green thumb."

FALSE - Black thumb is more like it. I killed my cactus plant. I don't know how I even DID that! Don't get me wrong, I do love and appreciate nature. I just don't think that the feeling is mutual. I'm the Grim Reaper of flora. 

g.) I am virtually incapable of going into Urban Outfitters and leaving without purchasing something.

FALSE- Opposite problem. I get so overwhelmed by how many fabulous things there are, I can't pick just one. Plus I struggle with spending money, especially if it's for me. I can talk myself out of buying anything. If only I could put that as a skill of job applications.

So there you have it. The truth, whole truth, and nothing but the truth! 

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So tonight is my first night attending this free ED support group, and I'm super nervous. I feel like it's my first day at a new school, minus the cafeteria and seventh graders running people over with their roller backpacks. It's scary because I'm going into this thing not knowing anyone. But on the bright side, I don't have any "reputation" of being defiant, sneaky, a troublemaker, etc. to deal with. I know/hope/think I've changed a lot in the past year or so, but find that people tend to still treat me like I'm "crazy Rachael" from back in the day. For instance, yesterday I spoke on the phone with one of my friends from treatment. She was talking about manipulating her tube, getting kicked out of treatment, etc. She spoke to me like a comrade or partner in crime, as though the whole thing was a hilarious game. Thing is, I didn't find it so funny. While those things are all definitely a part of my past, I don't think I even found them amusing back then. And now in hearing her almost bragging about playing games in treatment makes me angry. Because all I hear is that she's hurting herself and her family, not fooling around with some cool toy. Maybe I'm taking things too seriously and am being a Debbie Downer, I don't know.  

But anywho, I hope that the group will be a positive thing. It will be helpful I hope to have an outlet where I can talk about my ED and know people can understand. I've definitely been in hermit mode, so it will be nice to have a social experience as well. You know you're in trouble when the deepest conversation of your day is with a bank teller or checkout person at the cash register. Here's an example from a few weeks ago:

Me: Why was that guy all dressed up? Is it Saint Patrick's Day?

Bagger Lady: No, I think it's Purim.

Me: Are you serious?!?!

Lady: .... Yes.

Me: Wow, I'm like the worst Jew ever!!!!

 (sees that Bagger Lady is wearing a giant cross on her neck.)

.... Okay, so have a good weekend!

Awkward turtle to the max.

True story. Hopefully I'll be a bit less awkward tonight!