Be OK Today.

Why hello there! Long time no speak, eh? I wish I could say I haven't updated recently because I've been out living life and climbing the Himalayas or something equally exciting, but sadly that isn't the case. I've just been stricken with the deadly duo of writer's block and inner critic/self judgement-ness. Every time I went to write something it was quickly cast off as not worth reading, a piece of inarticulate shit. But I'm here so let's bust a move and get this party started!

So first and foremost I found out that I passed the GED.... *does spastic happy dance* Apparently I haven't starved my brain into oblivion! It's such a relief to finally officially have graduated high school, to officially have closure on that chapter of my life. Plus actually accomplishing something on my list and being able to put a giant check mark next to it makes me feel so much more confident that maybe I can do the other things as well and am not such an incapable failure after all. Major yayness right there.

This morning I went to put on a necklace.... Opened up the box and saw that the chain was majorly tangled. How did that even happen?! I vividly recall taking the necklace off last night and putting it neatly into the box. How could it have become tangled during the night when the box wasn't even moved? Did the necklace fairies come and mess with it? Have any of you guys experienced such a phenomenon? So weird. Luckily I have the fingers of a nimble monkey and was able to use a needle to de-knottify it. Ironically the chain that got all tangled had a four leaf clover charm on it. Do you guys wear jewelry? Anything that you wear every day? 

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I have major issues with wearing jewelry, necklaces in particular. If anything less than stellar happens while I'm wearing one, I immediately conclude that the necklace is unlucky and if I wear it I'll have a negative day or something bad will happen. Rationally I know that it's ridiculous, and yet even though I know the belief is illogical I can't help but get scared and believe it wholeheartedly. I think when I have a bad day it's easier to blame a necklace and say "Oh it happened because I was wearing this. It's bad luck,"than to accept that I live in a world where things aren't in my control, where something bad can happen at random for no reason. Do you ever struggle with magical thinking? What are your opinions regarding good and bad luck?

Rosie was excited for the Harry Potter movie.

I'm surprised that an owl hasn't swooped down with a letter inviting me to Hogwarts clamped in its beak, because with all the magical thinking I do I must have reached wizard status by now. It can be really embarrassing and annoying. But lately I've been trying to challenge at least one of these beliefs by getting my sparkle on.

Speaking of challenging fears, I've been majorly inspired by the courage of a certain lovely lady to possibly include my face on this blog from time to time. I mean, if someone were to stumble across my blog they'd probably know it was mine even if my picture wasn't included in a post. Plus it's not like I have anything on here to be ashamed of right? Now that I think of it is it really other people finding my blog that I'm afraid of? Or am I scared of you guys seeing what I look like? Actually I think that might be a big part of it, fear that you'll think I'm ugly/fat/blah blah blah. Which is ridiculous of me, since you lovely people are the least judgemental humans I've ever come across! Silly Rachael. Just because I think negative things towards myself doesn't mean everyone else does too. So yes, I WILL be including a picture of myself. Simply to prove to ED and myself that I can do it and won't let stupid disordered thoughts control me. As a preview to get you all excited, here's a self portrait I painted in kindergarden.... 

Clearly I had amazing self perception at a very young age. Check out those Angelina Jolie lips!