Hello Strangers!

Sorry about my brief blogging hiatus. Not like I think anyone was sobbing in my absence, but whatevs. ;) Writing that post about Sarah, while cathartic, really shook me up and I guess I "needed a day." It's a lot easier to not miss someone when you won't let yourself think about them. Anyways, I may be a day behind but...

I was reminded yesterday of something a staff member used to say and thought I'd share. Imagine you wake up and it's Christmas morning. This may not be so hard to do, considering it wasn't very long ago. ;) You dash to the Christmas tree and spot the most gorgeously wrapped present sitting under it just for you. What would you do? You wouldn't say, "What a beautiful box! What lovely wrapping paper! There must be an amazing gift inside.... I think I'll save it for next year." Hells no! The paper would be torn off that sucker in the blink of an eye.

Recovery is that present. It can be yours now. Don't keep telling yourself tomorrow, because you never know when your tomorrows are going to run out. 

All photo credit to weheartit.com! 

I don't mean to sound patronizing or as though I'm lecturing on top of my soap box. And I know these words are a bit hypocritical coming from me. Honestly, I think I'm typing this up because I really need to read it myself. And if it happens to inspire or help one of you as well, nothing would make me happier. ;)

Earlier I met with my psychiatrist. Having known me since I was sixteen, she's witnessed a good chunk of my "journey." I hadn't seen her in over a year so it was a bit trippy, maybe in a good way? It's so easy to forget where you've been or take for granted how far you have come. She was shocked to learn that I take a multivitamin now, reminding me that less than a year ago I was too afraid of the negligible calories they may have contained. I told her I'd think of her while swallowing one as a Christmas present. ;) I also expressed my ambivalence about restarting meds due to fear I'd be incapacitated by exhaustion like I've experienced in the past. She replied, "Well, I don't think you wanted to be awake before." Good point. Other topics were sad though. She asked about my social life (which is nonexistent) and if I was satisfied with it. I replied that I feel like I "settle" for the sake of my ED. I don't really know how to describe it. Like I'm unhappy but not enough to do something about it and threaten the "safety" of ED's routines. So all in all the session illuminated ways I've progressed but also those in which I am still trapped. But hey, I've had that present sitting under my Christmas tree for years. Maybe it's about time that I start peeling away at the wrapping paper. 

Hope your Saturday is lovely!