WARNING! May be a bit gross: Last night I dreamt I had a pierced toe. Not the nail, but the part next to it. The earring was an L shaped stud similar to the one in my nose and randomly fell out. I kept trying to put it back in but as I did the earring got caught and started tearing my toe, ripping and twisting it. I was panicking because I liked my pierced toe and knew if I didn't get the stud back in soon it would close up, but the more I tried to force the earring in the more I mangled my toe. It was disgusting. I've never been overjoyed to hear my alarm clock ring, but I guess there's a first time for everything! I wonder what my subconscious is frantically trying to communicate. Or if it means nothing more than that yesterday I blogged about considering a new piercing and then stubbed my toe. Do you guys assign meaning to your dreams or just see them as a bunch of random symbols?
It's pouring outside and I'm busy setting up towels and buckets. How the first floor of a three story apartment can have leaks, I have no idea.
I've been thinking a lot about intentions I want to set for myself as 2010 draws closer. One I'm contemplating is working on a more positive mentality. I tend to be very sarcastic and dark, always have been. Think House minus the cane, rugged good looks, maleness and brilliance regarding all things medical.
In typical black and white thinking fashion I tend to pass judgement, labeling positivity as "good" and negativism as "bad." However since I have a propensity towards the darker side, this mentality works to my detriment when I use it to fuel the disordered belief that I'm a bad person.
I do think it's important to not lose sight of the beauty in every situation, no matter how sucky it may feel at the time. My role model in this outlook is my grandmother, who has been through an unspeakable amount but still maintains a spunky sense of humor. Seriously, this is a woman who broke her arm while shopping and was not only laughing through the pain but had every single one of the EMTs in the ambulance in hysterics as well. Talk about a spitfire!
However, I think it's also important not to deny negative emotions. If something hurts, it's okay to say "Ouch." For years I don't mind, I'm fine, that's okay, etc. were the glue holding my little popsicle boat together. Six years of braces had blessed me with a very convincing smile that masked all the pain I was hiding underneath. The stifled feelings festered inside me rather than being experienced and then let go. So at the moment I don't know which is better, to focus on finding the positive or allowing myself to be in the moment and feel whatever comes up. Maybe I should work on my black and white thinking. ;) Luckily it's not like I have to come to a conclusion by Thursday night!
---from weakness (adversity) comes strength
---we forgive to be forgiven
---we give it away to keep it
---we suffer to get well
---we surrender to win
---we die to live
---from darkness comes light
---from dependence we found independence
---we forgive to be forgiven
---we give it away to keep it
---we suffer to get well
---we surrender to win
---we die to live
---from darkness comes light
---from dependence we found independence
I have insane dreams too, and I usually just look at them as weird distortions of my crazy mind! My therapist loves to analyze them, though... who knows if there's really any meaning to it?!
ReplyDeleteHa, I love the way you compare yourself to Dr. House -- I could say that about myself!! ;)
<3 <3
I kinda envy you in that you actually remember your dreams! Maybe your dream just meant... Don't get your toe pierced?
ReplyDeleteI never used to be a black and white thinker - I would always question everything, always think of the other alternatives, the other possibilites. But ED turned everything to a black or white scene. Either up or down. Either sick or not sick. Either right or left. That's no way to live!
Acknowledging the negative thoughts is important, but paying them your full attention is going to lead to only negativity. There's a balance, negative and positive. Accept the negative, but put your energy into the positives. Just like your grandmother. :)
We can learn alot from the oldies, as much as we don'tlike to admit it ;)
Love,
Eleanor.
I am more into the scientific side of psychology than the analytic side (I know, spoil sport :P ) so I usually see dreams as random neurological firings. Not very romantic, I know! I love the last bit of your post, thank you for sharing that :)
ReplyDeleteI am currently and totally coincidentally writing a House-themed post - great minds think alike :P
Your dream has a great deal more logicality than most of mine! A toenail piercing would certainly be an interesting yet impractical bodily adornment.
ReplyDeleteI think you're so right to acknowledge that there really isn't anything wrong with being cynical as long as it doesn't cause you distress. I love people who have a dry sense of humour, who aren't perpetually positive and annoyingly happy/sunny all the time. Life would be so dull if the world was populated by those people. If sarcasm is part of what makes you 'you' then I'd embrace it. It took me so long to become comfortable with who I am in terms of not being an optimist but paradoxically accepting negativity and giving yourself the right to be down without feeling guilty about it can be quite cathartic. And if you're anything like House, you're okay in my book ;)
Take care
xoxox
hm what an odd dream, it always entertains me when i remember dreams like that.
ReplyDeleteoh house, love him, but i totally know what mean by black and white, good and bad. i've always told myself that there really isn't a big difference between good and bad, but my actions say otherwise.
i think its important to be positive, but its also important to express when you're unhappy. its hard to find the balance though.
hope you have a lovely evening :)
xoxo
I really admire people who are able to see the good in every situation and remain positive despite adversity... it's something I'm trying really, really hard to do but I'm finding it quite difficult.
ReplyDeleteI tend to have black and white thinking as well... I think we all need to learn to live in the gray ;)
we've never met in person (obviously) but i LOVE your spirit and personality! i don't think you need to change anything about that, some people are naturally sarcastic and snarky, not a bad thing! but i do agree that the black and white thinking is toxic, esp when it starts getting you believing you are a bad person. been there. oh wait, i'm still pretty much there ;). i'm looking forward to all your posts in 2010, i have a feeling they'll be great ones!
ReplyDeleteyour posts are so insightful & beautiful. you seem extremely optimistic and full of life. and i love your comments on my blog. you asked if i had advice w/ finding hte thing that grounds you-- for 1, it seems like you use the blog to'ground' you which is great!! and 2- think of the person in your life you trust most and i guarentee that person would be willing to offer you all teh support you can ask for!
ReplyDeleteSorry! I'm the WORST commenter! I'm sure I followed your blog and then it turns out ah, my blogger has done something not unexpected for it - and chosen not too.
ReplyDeleteBlame the blogger, not me!!! Thus why I moved to wordpress!
You're on my blog roll! Promise I'm following better now!
I've had a dream kind of similar to that!
haha xxx
... I can't see my comments, so I am wondering if they are in fact being published. Just know I'm still an avid reader my dear :P
ReplyDeleteAnother great post. Great. I too used to be so dark and sarcastic...and still am...but I think my health traumas have given me more compassion, humility or something in life. I enjoyed this post...you are a very very good writer.
ReplyDeleteFor most of my life I too have been one to dwell on the negative aspect of things. Recently, as in this past month, I'm trying harder to focus on the POSITIVE. It's hard, believe me, but I'm finding that the harder I try, the easier it's becoming.
ReplyDeleteNow, it's impossible to be positive all the time. In fact, it's probably GOOD to occasionally let go and experience the negative feelings, but I think that the harder you try to be positive, the easier it is to experience happiness.
As for the dreams.. it all depends. If a dream causes me to experience instense emotions than I usually try to take a deeper look at it as a lot of the time I feel it has something to tell me.