In reading my past entries (because there are SO many ;) ) I've noticed that all I've basically talked about is my ED or when I was IP. I really hope this isn't triggering or annoying to anyone. If it is please tell me. The last thing I want is to do is seem as though I'm "telling war stories" or bragging about how sick I was.. Because in all honesty an ED is a lame thing to be good at. You're basically just good at dying. I'd rather be gifted at something cool like origami. But deep down it is a big fear of mine and something ED whispers into my ear late at night, that the only thing I can ever hope to be successful at is slowly and painfully killing myself. But I'm determined to prove ED and myself wrong. I know there's more to me than my eating disorder and am super psyched to find who Rachael really is. It reminds me of the scene in "Runaway Bride" when Julia Roberts tries all these different kinds of eggs to figure out what style she likes best.
I wish I had more things to talk about besides my eating disorder. I wish I had more experiences in my life outside of hospitals and the misery of living (if you want to call if that) with anorexia when I was at home. I've heard people call eating disorders a wasting disease and definitely agree. It's not just the body that shrivels up and rots - potential, a sense of self, hope, a future - all slowly slip away as well. My hope in recovery is to make up for lost time and
live. I hope that someday soon this blog will be full of adventures... and that the only ED I mention is my studly boyfriend. I haven't met him yet, but I'm sure it's just a matter of time!
Could this be him? Hey, his name is Edward!
girl i know you have so many unique, awesome things about you that are just waiting to come out!! :) that heart shaped egg is adorable
ReplyDeleteI, too, love the scene in runaway bride. julia roberts is my fav actress! it's totally cool to talk about ed and ip. I think every one knows you're not proud of being sick, it's ed who is proud of that! I totally agree with katie, as you work through recovery, you will find many more things that you love to do and are really good at! stay strong. keep pushing through.
ReplyDeletewell your blog certainly hasn't been triggering for me in the like 2/3 days that i've had the pleasure of reading it! such a pretty food pic, it makes me wish i liked eggs!
ReplyDeleteYou cannot define yourself by your ED. You are worth far more than that - there are a million things you are good at, but being in your ED doesn't have to be one of them :)
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm loving your eggie on toast! Food made with love <3
really enjoying your blog and your strength is so inspiring! you'll find the words for what you want to write about - it is YOUR blog, YOUR rules - don't sweat it ;)
ReplyDeleteI haven't found your blog triggering at all; but either way, it's your blog, and it makes sense that you'd say whatever you want to get off your mind!
ReplyDeleteBut there IS so much more to you than that... it just might be hard for you to find what that means for you.
<3 <3
Hey girlie, you know what? There will come a time when you will discover that there is so much more to life than ED and there will be so much more experiences to talk about. You don't ever have to worry about what you write in your blog because it is for you to pen down your thoughts and feelings - and I think you do it beautifully!!
ReplyDeleteKeep you chin up and keep moving forward! You are worth the fight and you deserve the victory waiting for you at the end of this tunnel!!
xx
you are more than Ed, but i totally know where you are coming from as i am struggling with that as well. but you know what we just need to blatantly ignore Ed and live. i know that is totally easier said than done. but we can do it. we are strong!
ReplyDeletei have never seen such a gorgeous egg dear!
xoxo
I can completely relate about being all-consumed by ED. It seems as though everything revolves around ED, ED, ED, and nothing else.
ReplyDeleteBut sweetie, you are more important than ED. And although ignoring the voice is a battle, it can be done. Persistence, perseverence... Practice! Yes, the Three P's. (I just made that up then... Woah.)
You are strong. You are more than what Ed says you are. You are well on your way to a happier place, where ED isn't allowed.
And I will be with you on that journey, all the way.
Love,
Eleanor. xo
I'm sorry for the lack of commenting! My blogroll seems to be having a 'moment' and hasn't been telling me about your posts
ReplyDeleteahhh
I promise I'm reading though
xx
Don't worry so much about what everyone is going to think when you write your posts; there is absolutely no way you are writing about ED "too much"... it's all part of recovery.
ReplyDeleteI love reading your updates so far because they are real. They inspire me to do better and be stronger. Don't let ED tell you that you will be judged for expressing yourself with honesty here. We will always be here for support ;)
xox
Tat